Dangers of Procrastination

                  Learning to Let Go

Procrastination

“I will do it tomorrow/latter/when I get time….etc.” How often do we say those words? How often do we allow people to give those words as satisfactory answers/solutions to our pressing matters?

Time lost is never regained. There is no better time than the present. Dreams and ideas become not a matter of “if time allows”, but a matter of “when I make time” for everything I want to achieve. Start with allowing yourself to make time to:

Think about it.

Plan it.

Execute it

Modify/restructure and try again.

It has been a while since I have allowed myself a chance to listen to my heart, listen to the silent impulsive voices of its beat and dance to its rhythm. It has been a while since I have allowed myself to just be and forget how things have been.

Reflecting on the past is always a commendable exercise to do, what we are not taught as young men is how to deal with the stagnant pain and sinkholes we find in our past. The pain of not knowing how to deal with pain doubles up and builds up pockets of pressure and frustrations that consumes us to a point where we lose ourselves to substance abuse, peer pressure and self-pity.



In life, you will encounter a number of different characters. There are 3 that stand out for me:

Those who will put you in difficult situations.

Those who will leave you when you encounter difficult situations.

Those who will stand by you and help you get back on your feet or get started.



You can be all these characters at once in certain cases. I know this because I too have played all 3 roles in my life.

The (i) Choices I’ve made in the past have seen me get into difficult situations. My (ii) ignorance has seen me get hurt and lose hope in ever finding happiness and seeing my dreams take flight. My (iii) trusting&forgiving nature has seen me getting burnt by the same flames I tried to douse and contain.

It is easy to become a victim of your own circumstances. It is easy to fall into traps that you unwittingly set yourself thinking you know where you put them and how to avoid them.

As a young man with dreams the size of my world, I urge you young person/old person/young at heart individual, not to be a victim of your own circumstances.

I urge you not to give up on that which comes from the heart due to frustrations of not finding suitable people to help you get started.

I urge you not to settle where pain resides. You will find nothing but regrets and pity parties there. Yesterday isn’t here today because it has to make room for tomorrow.

I urge you to encourage, motivate and give direction to those who are misled and confused by changing times and the era we are living in. Money is everything you need to make life easier, but respect; humility; selflessness are everything you need to sustain your rich heart & mind.

It all starts with you knowing what you are working towards. It all begins with wanting to start. It all begins with you wanting to see yourself through and help out where you can without any expectations of any form of monetary rewards or applause directed to you.

Where there is focus, dedication; courage and energy are bound to flow/follow….and results are always worth the effort put in.

It is with great pleasure to find myself once again. To focus on that which my heart sings about in silence. To focus on that which I dream about each day I hear/read or meet young successful individuals doing great in their fields.

If you read this and know anyone or you are offering mentorship opportunities or involved in the establishment of community based projects, I urge you to link me up with them.

My email address is: s.c.mbelu@gmail.com

My contact details are: 0718684508



Help me help those who need help and who are at the same age as I was when I needed help but no one was there to offer any.

“Be the change you want to see”, not just talk about

Rebuilding

Learning to let go.

Rebuilding

 

Rebuilding from scratch will sometimes feel/sound like a daunting task, when in fact it should be an experience or something we all should anticipate and look forward to. I mean, with everything that we have gone through and have been exposed to in life and the lessons we have learnt, rebuilding should be something worth looking forward to.

It might hurt to watch everything that you have worked hard for crumble in front of your eyes. It might hurt to have your reputation tarnished and dragged through the mud and have accusations thrown at you by people you trust the most/family or colleagues…..It sure will bring you down, leave you confused and have you questioning your abilities/potential and get you asking yourself questions like:  “why me?”; “When will it all end?”; “What did I do to deserve this?”. You will be crushed by the pain and have doubts ,you might even want to disappear from the face of the earth or go to a far off place where no one knows you or knows about the pain and struggles you are going through.

Feelings are as tricky as understanding rocket science is to a baker or a plumber. Ignoring them completely can have you turn into a cold heartless person liked by none. That could see you feeling lonely or empty inside, albeit being in a crowd. You will risk being alienated and cast off by those you want to be close to. Dwelling on them too much might see you get called too weak or too emotional. Allowing yourself to cry it out or speak openly about how you feel can also be a disadvantage as most people will assume you have something sad to complain about due to mistaking your openness with your emotions. I ask myself, where does one draw the line and know where not to be too disconnected with his/her emotions or where to just let it all go and cry his/her  heart out if it is pain you are feeling at that moment?

The struggles most of us young men face are more mental and emotional than anything. Defeat a man’s mind and he shall forever be at your mercy. Crush his ego and you would have managed to crush his manhood/masculinity and rule or control him.  A lot of battles that we fight and lose as young men/people always start with how we allow our fears to reign over our confidence. We then get frustrated and find it difficult to seek alternatives to resolve our issues or frustrations. The results are devastating, and they become habits which in turn grow into and get embodied them into our ways of thinking, doing, and acting. Getting physical or defensive then becomes second nature when faced with issues we don’t really understand or find easy to deal with. And when we push, hit/walk away from, or threaten those we find mentally challenging, we somehow get some sense of relief that we have chased our worries away and the only way to keep them at bay is by getting physical and showing how being physically strong sorts everything out. Not realising we are developing abusive habits/behaviour.

I understand how most young men end up on the streets. I now understand the kind of pain they might have felt that led them into running away from home or turning their backs on everyone due to accusations/mistreatment or suspicions from/by family. The past few months have been very difficult for me. I have been through enough pain to last 10 men 3 lifetimes worth of agony. From losing my work due to blunders made by those I was report to and discovering more of their mistake only to end up taking the fall for trying to protect their reputation, to having to deal with a father who had long given up on me and had the guts to tell me in my face how he was trying to prove a point to me that I can never be anything without him. Changing provinces and taking shelter with distant relatives, friends and strangers who felt sorry for me and adapting to a different set of rules and having to deal with difficult locals and language/cultural differences. Having to spend nights at a filling station waiting upon someone who is supposedly miles away yet I could hear laughter and voices from inside the house.

I am grateful I did not allow my thoughts to stray towards the dark side. I am grateful to have the strength and courage not to hold grudges or get bitter because of all the ill treatment I have received. The accusations that followed proved to me that at times, people will warm up to you, open up to you to gain your trust and make you feel comfortable enough around them to make you let your guard down. Just when you think everything is all good, they drop bomb shells on you and crush you when least expected. At first, it might start off as casual/indirect accusations associating you with acts that you wouldn’t normally be involved with. If that fails, they will try an even more direct approach and hope their stories tie up and the implications stick. If that also fails, as a last resort, they will straight up spread rumours about you and tarnish your reputation with each opportunity they will get should they manage to get away long enough from you and have those who trust you all to themselves. By the time you realise what has happened, it would have been a bit too late to explain yourself or salvage relations with family; friends or colleagues.

Most young men cannot take all that pressure, rejection and pain of being hurt by family. They seek out comfort in drugs and other abusive substances. The allow rage/anger to consume them and lose the will to live to fight another day. They take refuge in the streets, get broken even more by those who have been on the streets longer than them. They will develop means and ways to survive while they slowly watch their dreams and goals fade into oblivion. They then get reduced to mere shadows of their former selves.

Crush a man’s soul and watch him fade into nothingness.  With all that I have been through, I am even more determined to make a positive impact on other young men’s lives. I am even more determined not to allow my history to be my source of pain. I am even more determined to prove a point to myself that nothing that will come my way will be too much for me to handle.

Tell yourself that as well and watch your life transform. Changing is easy, adapting is not. A lot of people get changed more than they are able to adapt to changing times. They get broken and forget the virtues once instilled upon them. It is easy to give up on life. When you see plans not coming together as you would desire them to, giving up on your dreams feels like a sensible thing to do. Seeing others prosper right in front of your eyes with less effort put towards making a success of themselves will sometimes dissuade you or make you feel like you have wasted a lot of your time and resources chasing dreams. It is easy to try read out of other people’s book of life and take notes from there, forgetting that your chapter 10 might be their chapter one. It is easy to forget that we are called individuals for a reason, that we are not all the same or that we are not destined to have the same life.

Learn to let go of everything you do not have control over and always try to focus on what you are able to work with to shape a better tomorrow.

Keep this in mind:

“Dreams never die; they lay dormant waiting for that spike that will rekindle your interest in pursuing them once again”

Breaking point

"Bamboo strips hardly break when hit by strong winds, compared to rigid branches and twigs that can't sway with the wind. Move with the times, strive to adapt at all times. Get out of your comfort zone"

 The dangers of not being able to adapt to a new environment can break a person's moral and dreams. Being out of your comfort zone can see you question a lot of choices you make, question those whom you thought would be there to pick you up when you fall or hold your hand when you stray. It can lead you into thinking you were better off being where you were. Truth is, confusion is just a figment of one's imagination. Letting go of what we already know and trying to learn new ways of doing things is what we should all be trying to do.
We find it easy to run back to where we found comfort even though we know there are many restrictions and no room for growth or development. We get comfortable with not challenging ourselves fearing our plans and dreams aren't good enough to be given a shot. We get dismayed by a few harsh lessons in life that we were bound to be taught at one point. We avoid any discomfort that might knock us off our routine or prove to us how little we have lived.
A salary at the end of the month is great, but knowing you generate a lot of revenue towards the people who sign your pay cheque should be enough an encouragement to get you to try being your own boss/employer. Challenging yourself to do better takes a lot of guts, but the rewards and efforts are worth every cent you will spend trying to advance yourself.

Never be afraid to try. Tray and fail instead of failing to try.
Love yourself like a mother loves her new born baby. Give yourself your undivided attention, focus most of your energy towards learning from your past errors, ploughing what will be your fields of plenty. Give yourself credit as often as you breath in and out. Remind yourself that those who laugh at your attempts at making it are actually too scared to try take that bold step/move towards working on making their dreams a reality.
Keep a clear mind, avoiding negative thoughts, assumptions, envy and fear of making a mistake. If life came with a manual, I would have judged you for failing to follow instructions, but since it doesn't come with one, why fear what other people will say if your first attempt doesn't yield desired results?
I have been telling myself that things will be ok, not only have I been doing that but I have also started investing in myself, my talent and what I am passionate about....what is stopping you from doing the same?
What is stopping you from being where you wish to be?
We might not know our purpose at first, but what we can do better with our hands, with love and no mental restrictions could be a key to unlocking revelations to our purposes.

We never get what we wish and pray for in life, but we are given a life to live, a brain to use to think up ideas to make life worth living. We are given hands to work towards a better tomorrow. Above it all, we are given love for one another, we are a heart that is capable of believing whatever the mind tell is. Make the best of what you have, plant your seed in lush soil, nature it
Tell yourself you don't need to be vindictive, tell yourself you do not need to pull anyone down as you try to push yourself up. Tell yourself you can and will make it. Feed your mind and heart with positive thoughts. Encourage yourself to always look on the bright side of life.
Don't fall victim to your own circumstances, don't fall victim to the streets, don't blind yourself to a point where being loyal and simple will see you get used, robbed or manipulated into giving up your dreams.
The world out there is as harsh as a seasoned street thief. Don't let it catch you out.

Refusing to let go.....

The 11th of May.....a day most people celebrate their mothers. A painful day for me. As i sit and read lovely comments and posts sent by friends to their mothers, I can not help but wonder how my life would have been if she were still alive.
Each year, i try and remember as much as i can about her. From her facial features to her small structure and voice. Her voice is what i try not to forget the most. Her eyes and tiny hands ( compared to mine,I dare say they were tiny)
I try remember doing laundry with her after school. Teaching me how to wash my socks and school shirts. Teaching me how to say "please" and "thank you". How to never pass anyone older than me without saying "Hello" or offer to carry thier luggage.
She was a bit shot, small body structure, her friends tell me she walked with a smile on her face, even when she was bothered, you wouldn't tell until she spoke and you heard her speak. Her trmbling voice would betray her when she was not alright. I guess i take after her in many ways.

"Flowers don't die,they leave behind seeds from which they will be reborn from"

My last conversation I can recall with her was a bit too emotional than any other days. She asked me if i still remember all the lessons she taught me. She teased and made me laugh and told me I was handsome. The last words I said to her were: " I will never stop smiling" She smiled back and said she was tired....little did i know that was her way of saying goodbye.
Years have gone by......feels like it was just the other day when she would chase me around the house with one of her flip flops because i had forgotten to wash my socks or came home late or was seen playing in a dangerous environment.If not that, she would lure me to her with a box of sweets or food.....once totally comfortable, she would casually ask: "Ubuyaphi" (where have you been). Instinctively, I would freeze and I would hear myself taking a gulp. I knew then what was to come. Either I would get my ear pinched or I would be told to go pick up my own rod she would use to hit me with. If i picked a small flimsy one, she would pull out her leather belt and use it instead, followed by both ears being pinched. If i picked up a harder rod, she would hit me once or twice before seeing the pain in my face and stop. That would be followed by a plate of food with a generouse portion of meat and she would cuddle me to sleep.
As harsh as i thought she was to me, I amglad she was stern and strict.

As i grew older, I realised how much on an impact she had in my life. All the other mother figures that helped raise me either had most of the characters she had or they added on all the virtues she had taught me.
When i see her in my dreams, I try to prolong the dream and get as much detail from it as i can. When I miss her, I don't allow myself tobe sad, but i try to celebrate her.
When she passed away, life changed. Things got bad for me, I got mistreated, i got sidelined, rejected and thrown out by those from my father's side. I hardly remember a time when I was happy. After it sank that she was never going to come back, I gave in and allowed the bad treatment to continue with no one to cry to. It all became a part of life. I accepted things as they were but never forgot what i was taught.
I salute you young woman raising a child by yourself, unlike those who want to share responsibilities and run to courts to force men to be part of their children's lives. I applaud all men out there who know what it means to be a father to someone.
Things might not be as one would have wanted them to be, but life continues and it has to be lived. To the women of the world celebrating this day: May everyday be a reminder that you are queens and pillars of strenght.
To all those raising children that are not theirs, I hope you are told each and everyday how special you are.
It is not easy being a woman. It is made even harder when children are introduced.



It is not easy being a young man who got robbed of his mother's life and love at a very young age either.
Memories is all that I am left with.
" The sun never sets, it only gives way to the night to show the world how many beautiful stars there are up there. One of those stars is you. Your memory"

"The sun never sets, it only gives way to the nightso that we can see all the stars watching over us"

Upon realisation

It has been a while since i have been on these streets, writing somewhat took a back seat while i was making attempts to fix myself and what is broken in my life.Little did I know that trying to do so will see me get hurt even more, rejected even harder and shown the door more than ever.
Glass objects are better off left broken and shattered, trying to mend them can leave you with deep cuts from pieces you missed. This is one lesson I have learned the hard way.

I have been advised to write more, express how I feel and how i have been feeling all along. That scares me because i do not have much of happy thoughts to share and my past has not been all sunshine and roses or anything close to it.
I have been advised to pay less attention to those ho see the negative in everything i write and focus on those who get inspired and motivated to do something about their gloomy past.
I have been encouraged to laugh more, smile a lot and walk tall.

After losing everything, after a few people i had grown to call friends turned their backs on me, robbed me of my happiness, broke my heart and lied in my face.... I somewhat broke down and shut down. I got numb, lost hope, gave up on life and took up drinking. Occasionally, i would take to the streets, shoot random people and moments, chase sunsets and watch happy people go around minding their own business. I have lived a life full of self pity, not because i am weak or can not think for myself, but because i had allowed people to walk all over me and abuse my kindness. I was raised with simple principles, I was told "Ungaphindiseli okubi ngokubi" ( an eye for an eye will leave everyone blind). I wish i was taught how to react or act when i am done wrong. Knowing God is there to avenge me was not enough for God lives not on this earth nor does He smite others on purpose knowing He loves us equally, as sinful and spiteful as we are towards each other.
That is how most people who never took time to ask me who I am or where i am from never understood why I had never tried avenging myself or managed to walk away from situations that any man would have seen red and took up arms.
Those who hurt you do so with an intent to see you become a bitter person like them. Those who hurt you on purpose are a reflection of where they come from. They are close friends, family friends or blood relatives. David did nothing to his brothers but he was hated upon nonetheless. Having a heart of gold, he did not give up on them nor did he seek to exert revenge. When he finally made it and survived the pain of being betrayed by his kind, he kept his heart pure and void of grief,anger and revenge.

This is what I have been reminding myself of late: (1) People will be attracted to you not because you have an abundance of wealth, but because they see in you what they do not have. The goodness of your heart will not be enough though though. They will demand more, question you and try to break you and steal your happiness.
(2) Love will not be enough to keep those you open up to and decide to love.Less women out there can appreciate a man who has nothing in hand but ambition and purpose. These two attributes have long been forgotten because most people have confused financial freedom and academic qualifications as measuring tools for compatibility.
(3) People will give up on you, turn their backs and talk ill of you. They will remember your flops and mistakes more than they will remember the amount of good you have done from the bottom of your heart without any expectations of reward or acknowledgment. Yours is to not seek approval from anyone, yours is to not give up on yourself and the dreams you have. Yours is to walk tall and always remind yourself that "you have tried". You didn't sit and waited to be spoon fed. You didn't stay down when you got knocked down. You didn't give up on love when she/he walked out on you. You didn't give in, you held on to him/her when his/her life was in ruins and he/she was trying to find his/her feet again.

Upon realizing where I have been, where I can be and how great life can be....I have decided to take it upon myself to be the change I dream about and work for the dreams I dream about.
Life will never be everything we intend it to be. That doesn't mean we should not make an effort to make it half of what we wish it could become.

My name is Sthembile Ngcobo.
I will be sharing my life's experiences with you and working towards fixing you like i am working towards fixing myself.

Easter Greetings to you and yours. Looking forward to giving life another shot.