Rebuilding

Learning to let go.

Rebuilding

 

Rebuilding from scratch will sometimes feel/sound like a daunting task, when in fact it should be an experience or something we all should anticipate and look forward to. I mean, with everything that we have gone through and have been exposed to in life and the lessons we have learnt, rebuilding should be something worth looking forward to.

It might hurt to watch everything that you have worked hard for crumble in front of your eyes. It might hurt to have your reputation tarnished and dragged through the mud and have accusations thrown at you by people you trust the most/family or colleagues…..It sure will bring you down, leave you confused and have you questioning your abilities/potential and get you asking yourself questions like:  “why me?”; “When will it all end?”; “What did I do to deserve this?”. You will be crushed by the pain and have doubts ,you might even want to disappear from the face of the earth or go to a far off place where no one knows you or knows about the pain and struggles you are going through.

Feelings are as tricky as understanding rocket science is to a baker or a plumber. Ignoring them completely can have you turn into a cold heartless person liked by none. That could see you feeling lonely or empty inside, albeit being in a crowd. You will risk being alienated and cast off by those you want to be close to. Dwelling on them too much might see you get called too weak or too emotional. Allowing yourself to cry it out or speak openly about how you feel can also be a disadvantage as most people will assume you have something sad to complain about due to mistaking your openness with your emotions. I ask myself, where does one draw the line and know where not to be too disconnected with his/her emotions or where to just let it all go and cry his/her  heart out if it is pain you are feeling at that moment?

The struggles most of us young men face are more mental and emotional than anything. Defeat a man’s mind and he shall forever be at your mercy. Crush his ego and you would have managed to crush his manhood/masculinity and rule or control him.  A lot of battles that we fight and lose as young men/people always start with how we allow our fears to reign over our confidence. We then get frustrated and find it difficult to seek alternatives to resolve our issues or frustrations. The results are devastating, and they become habits which in turn grow into and get embodied them into our ways of thinking, doing, and acting. Getting physical or defensive then becomes second nature when faced with issues we don’t really understand or find easy to deal with. And when we push, hit/walk away from, or threaten those we find mentally challenging, we somehow get some sense of relief that we have chased our worries away and the only way to keep them at bay is by getting physical and showing how being physically strong sorts everything out. Not realising we are developing abusive habits/behaviour.

I understand how most young men end up on the streets. I now understand the kind of pain they might have felt that led them into running away from home or turning their backs on everyone due to accusations/mistreatment or suspicions from/by family. The past few months have been very difficult for me. I have been through enough pain to last 10 men 3 lifetimes worth of agony. From losing my work due to blunders made by those I was report to and discovering more of their mistake only to end up taking the fall for trying to protect their reputation, to having to deal with a father who had long given up on me and had the guts to tell me in my face how he was trying to prove a point to me that I can never be anything without him. Changing provinces and taking shelter with distant relatives, friends and strangers who felt sorry for me and adapting to a different set of rules and having to deal with difficult locals and language/cultural differences. Having to spend nights at a filling station waiting upon someone who is supposedly miles away yet I could hear laughter and voices from inside the house.

I am grateful I did not allow my thoughts to stray towards the dark side. I am grateful to have the strength and courage not to hold grudges or get bitter because of all the ill treatment I have received. The accusations that followed proved to me that at times, people will warm up to you, open up to you to gain your trust and make you feel comfortable enough around them to make you let your guard down. Just when you think everything is all good, they drop bomb shells on you and crush you when least expected. At first, it might start off as casual/indirect accusations associating you with acts that you wouldn’t normally be involved with. If that fails, they will try an even more direct approach and hope their stories tie up and the implications stick. If that also fails, as a last resort, they will straight up spread rumours about you and tarnish your reputation with each opportunity they will get should they manage to get away long enough from you and have those who trust you all to themselves. By the time you realise what has happened, it would have been a bit too late to explain yourself or salvage relations with family; friends or colleagues.

Most young men cannot take all that pressure, rejection and pain of being hurt by family. They seek out comfort in drugs and other abusive substances. The allow rage/anger to consume them and lose the will to live to fight another day. They take refuge in the streets, get broken even more by those who have been on the streets longer than them. They will develop means and ways to survive while they slowly watch their dreams and goals fade into oblivion. They then get reduced to mere shadows of their former selves.

Crush a man’s soul and watch him fade into nothingness.  With all that I have been through, I am even more determined to make a positive impact on other young men’s lives. I am even more determined not to allow my history to be my source of pain. I am even more determined to prove a point to myself that nothing that will come my way will be too much for me to handle.

Tell yourself that as well and watch your life transform. Changing is easy, adapting is not. A lot of people get changed more than they are able to adapt to changing times. They get broken and forget the virtues once instilled upon them. It is easy to give up on life. When you see plans not coming together as you would desire them to, giving up on your dreams feels like a sensible thing to do. Seeing others prosper right in front of your eyes with less effort put towards making a success of themselves will sometimes dissuade you or make you feel like you have wasted a lot of your time and resources chasing dreams. It is easy to try read out of other people’s book of life and take notes from there, forgetting that your chapter 10 might be their chapter one. It is easy to forget that we are called individuals for a reason, that we are not all the same or that we are not destined to have the same life.

Learn to let go of everything you do not have control over and always try to focus on what you are able to work with to shape a better tomorrow.

Keep this in mind:

“Dreams never die; they lay dormant waiting for that spike that will rekindle your interest in pursuing them once again”