Learning to Let go
- Picking up the Pieces -
There is no time better than the time where as a young adult, you accept and acknowledge the following words:
"I have been suppressing a lot of emotions. Not consciously
or willingly, but the truth is staring right back at me, reminding me how I have become that which I feared the most: a young adult who has not made it to where he/she planned to be at his/her current age. It is time I face the reality of the pain I have been running away from for all these years, pain that I have been afraid deal with."
As a young adult, trying to keep abreast in life and stay
afloat, I have decided to look back at what I have not been doing right and come up with possible solutions that will enable me to overcome my grief, forget my regrets and start all over again from the bottom up. Being able to deal with the
past negative emotional moments and frustrations seems like a good place to start. This will ensure that I move forward with no baggage from my past weighing heavy on my conscious. That is where I will start to rebuild my life. I am reminding myself that, doing so is not a
sign of weakness or shifting blame to my father, his family or relatives or anyone else who has had a contribution towards the person I have become. Doing so is
nothing more but a sign of acceptance and acknowledging that not everything in life will work out the way I
plan or would love it to. 
With my 3 years experience of moving to Johannesburg, I did
not anticipate life to be so hard that I would find myself in
tricky and difficult situations. These include: getting caught up in family politics, living on a R200 budget for over year, facing
prospects of living in a squatter camp kind of setup/shanty town or going 2
years, a job that took more than rewarded, manipulative friends, etc.
Amidst all this, I did not give up or look down on myself. Yes, my self esteem dropped, I distanced myself from those who publicly proclaimed "You can not be in my company if your life is not going anywhere". I hid under a rock, dug a hole and berried my shame of not being part of the elite that has made a name for themselves. It hit hard and the blow was nerve wrecking.
"Things fall apart."
With all that, I made a conscious decision to focus on that which drives me, I reached a point where I told myself that I will no longer run away from my past, where I come from, the pain I have been through or the fear of openly talking about it.
I am at a point where I have come to accept the past for
what it is and acknowledge the lessons it has taught me. I am too old to
be afraid of facing my skeletons and the unfortunate truths they might come
with. Bottling in emotions and frustrations is by far the most
dangerous thing anyone can do for themselves, especially a young man growing up to be a different man. How different will you be if you follow on the footsteps of those who raised you without opening up to you about issues that concern you?
If you bottle emotions, you easily create room for
depression to sink in and slowly eat away the happiness in you.
That said, it should also be accepted that not having an
outlet or means of releasing these emotions can be viewed as a reason why most
men bottle their emotions in. There are many other reasons why men cannot talk
or do not talk about that which they can no longer deal with emotionally. Fear of being judged or called weak is one of the reasons,
but I believe not knowing how to deal/cope with life’s challenges is the main
culprit behind men not coping.
I have always told myself that I will figure things out as
they come, in the process, reducing myself into such minimal thinking that
certain opportunities passed me by without even realising. This level of
thinking also created a perception about me that not many people who saw
greatness in me liked. It portrayed me as weak person, a person looking for pity
from others, someone who wore his emotions and heart on his sleeve. With time, I grew to believe what was said about me. I grew to notice
how petty I have become, how easily I would find myself relating my life’s
story to anyone who would give me an ear. The intention was always to try and
voice out all the bottled emotions and frustrations from years of hardship and
difficulties. The results didn’t serve the desired purpose, instead, it portrayed me as a weak individual lost in his woes. That created a reason not try and talk or voice out my frustrations and difficulties.
Once you allow how others perceive or say about you to be
true, you unwittingly sign away your life to a way of living that is determined
by validation from others. I have been a victim of such for some time and I know that I
am not the only one who has been reduced to such levels or that many other young
men are suffering in silence. It is easy
to be reduced to a shadow of the person you once were but it takes a lot
of work undoing the damage caused and to regain one’s sanity.
As a young man/young woman, I strongly suggest that you find ways
of dealing with whatever has been causing you grief. Social media is not the
right platform to air your frustrations/emotions, that move will only be met
with a large number of following that has never been in your situation or
similar situation, thus leading to your intentions of reaching out for help to be distorted or
mistaken for an attempt to gain re-tweets and likes. Not taking away that social networks has a strong following
of individuals looking to help young men in your position, the difficulty is
getting your message through to them on time before the wrong crowd picks on it
and gives you feedback that will make you wish you had not voiced out any of
your worries.
Without losing track of things or spending too much time recollecting
bad moments in life, I urge you to do like I did and start fixing your life.
You are responsible for who you eventually become. Bad circumstances in life
are there to strengthen you, not to further break you down. There are there to
toughen you, not to harden you up or turn you into a horrible person with
little or no emotions left in him/her. You are greater than all the sum of mishaps you have ever
been through. I say so because you have made it through it all like you were made
for it. Subconsciously, you are prepared to face whatever tomorrow may
come with. Believe in yourself and stay true to your path. You will never be left behind if you stay/keep in your lane.
"Is it too late to rebuild oneself?"
(This is my parting question to you.)
