Getting left behind

Things fall apart

In a community plagued by a high rate of unemployment, only a handful of young adults who hold tertiary qualifications can afford to secure themselves employment that will sustain their livelihoods. This got me thinking about the odds and prospects of a better tomorrow for those with no such qualifications at all, especially young adults from rural areas or locations where surviving means giving up on ever attaining a qualification in order to bring enough income to see the family through until the next day/week/month. Places where one must do what one can do to survive. In most of these cases, some men and women are forced to learn the true meaning of making sacrifices. Sacrificing their own worldly pleasures and comforts for a better tomorrow to those looking up to them.

From a man's perspective, there are many other downsides to this than securing income on a monthly bases. There is the thought of finding a partner. The challenge of explaining yourself or what is it that you have studied / your position at work / places you have travelled, etc. What car you drive or how much savings you have accumulated. For a man above 30, society dictates that you must have already have a house or paid up property, and a bit of investments here and there...all these expectations wear heavy on some men and see them reduce themselves to a shadow of what they are or capable of becoming.

There are also her friends to deal with. Even if she finds you attractive and sees potential in building with you, you still have that challenge of convincing her friends that you can be the man she needs.

"Friend, what do you see in him?"

"He doesn't strike me as your type."

"What will he be doing while you are at work, what if he....?

These are but a few questions that can further reduce a man an impact on how one sees himself from a perspective of others and can be a catalyst into how one gets reduced to becoming a shadow of themselves  

If you have been through a lot or if you have allowed yourself to remain incarcerated by circumstances from your past, know that you are responsible for the years wasted not doing anything to escape your past 
Any ambitiou man can free himself from their mental prison if they can think beyond the obvious and focus on finding solutions to their challenges. It is never too late to turn your life around. Your background or current place of residence doesn't define you. What defines you is your courage to make something out of yourself and the willingness to change your current circumstances.

With new challenges comes new rewards and satisfaction. "you are never too old to learn new ways of doing things", believe in  that and never stop applying this in everything you set your mind on doing. I am going to utilise these few opportunities I have been rewarded and make the most of all the years and days I have ahead of me.

I will overcome and prosper.

Dreams don't die but lay dormant until one finds that spark that will reignite the passion and will to start anew.

Find yourself, remember who you were before bad circumstances threw you off your rails. Remember your passion and be brave enough to ask where for assistance when you are uncertain, propose where you see an opening, and ask for opportunities instead of waiting for your name to be called.

Take good care of yourself. Have less regrets and apply yourself without losing your:

          (i) Integrity

          (ii) Humility

          (iii) Kind-heartedness

          (iv) Morals

          (v) Vision.

Stay true to yourself.

Learning to Accept

Who are we...?



We are who we are because of what we have been exposed to. We are how we think because of debates, conversations, arguments, listening, reading and any other form of exchange of information. All that we are helps us shape our future in many ways. It can help us avoid unnecessary arguments. It can shape and strengthen existing and paly a major role in shaping future bonds.

 

A lot of people assume and believe that "Truth hurts".....my thought on that is: Truth hurts, only if it comes from people who do not value you, people who are blunt and self centred, people who have been hurt by being confronted about matters relating to their behaviour or for being in denial and reacting negatively when confronted. We are who we allow ourselves to become. We are how we react to situations around us. We are also what we allow ourselves to believe what every has been saying we are. We forget to define ourselves according to our circumstances/conditions or desired goals.

What are we...?



Hurt people hurt people.

In most cases, hurt people fear experiencing the feeling of being hurt. Their best defence mechanism they apply is hurting others before anyone can see through them and spot the vulnerability they are trying to hide. Have you ever encountered a person so scared of settling with someone whom they think might be weak or not doing enough to change their circumstances for the better? Have you ever been in a conversation where one or two individuals would speak the loudest about age limit on reaching certain goals and how embarrassing it is for a man/woman of a certain age who has not achieved what they have achieved?

"Tough love" might be a good way to motivate a person to work harder, but what is tough love when you are using it to hide your own vulnerability and consciously break someone down in the process? What is being hard on a friend amount to if your motives are to show everyone how better you are than everyone?

Before jumping into conclusions or assuming, have you ever given yourself time to understand your friend/boyfriend/girlfriend/relative,etc? Have you ever given yourself time to listen with the intention to understand more than an urge to respond? 

Hurt people were never born hurtful or defensive. It takes years of repeated emotional/physical abuse to push them towards becoming that which they initially feared. It takes a lot of rejection to turn a person into a shadow over what they aspired to become.

Being misunderstood by those you trust with your past can send you spiralling down a path of self destruction. It can break you and result in you completely giving up on ever making it through in life.

Effort, failure, attempts to try again, encouragement.....these and many more positive support from those in your life can be all the difference one needs to keep going and never giving up. The opposite of that is as toxic as a tongue that whispers words of hope, only to turn around and share your shortfalls with the world.

"Hurt people hurt people.....not by choice at times, but the hurt happens and remains with those who got hurt."

There will come a time in life where you will have to decide which person you want to become. Not all 25 year olds make it through tertiary with diplomas or degrees. Not all 30+ year olds are financially stable or in a position to purchase property, have holidays abroad, luxurious vehicles,etc....that doesn't mean they are not silently making efforts to change that.

That doesn't mean their attempts are weak. That doesn't mean they have failed in life. As much as nature has to retain a certain balance on everything, that doesn't mean we should impose our lifestyle or expectations on those who were not awarded the same kind of opportunities we had.

 

Moving on

History only becomes a reality when we look back at how good/bad we did. History becomes a point of reference only if we choose to admit our yesterdays without feeling a sense of resentment towards ourselves for the bad choices we made or towards those who have wronged us, hurt us, betrayed us or achieved more than we did. The only way to make a difference in your life  is taking each day as it comes. Take the negative criticism and use it to your advantage.

Take your rejection and use it as your own measuring tool. Use it to gauge how far you have come, how far you've fallen back or how much further you need to go, even if it's by yourself. The best that you can do in any situation is to find 1 positive outcome and find a plan to use that moment to better yourself.

There are plenty opportunities around you. Yours is to spot them and make the most out of them.

DO NOT BE DISUADED by anyone or anything.



 

On the verge of giving up

Inception

After years of trying to live off that which you love the most and not getting it right, there comes a point in time where one  feels like giving up. Be it due to frustrations of not getting the formula right or bad choices that result in immense loss of capital, investment, time and disappointing potential clients.

"It's been years trying, nothing seems to be going well in my life....I'm depleted, giving up is the only sane option I have left."

How often have you heard this line before, or something similar. Even better, how often have you heard this response: " Hang in there, things will get better soon/someday."

When is that day? After years of struggling, many young men eventually give up on trying and resort to living to see tomorrow instead of building for better tomorrows. The lucky few, who get their voices heard survive to change their lives and try reach out to others in similar positions.

The majority from locations/rural areas remain in the darkness, suffering from depression, anxiety, regrets or stress of being failures in life.

For those in the middle class, who were afforded tertiary education and managed to build careers out of what they learned are sometimes blinded about the realness of the situations their peers are suffering from.

It is easy to presume it can be done because you have made it. It is easy to dismiss others as not putting in effort towards making their lives better. It is easy to tease someone on twitter for living in his mother's house in the back yard, or teasing someone who is above 25 years for not having anything going for himself.

The difficult part is submerging yourself in their lives and understanding where they are getting wrong. The difficult part is seeing people shunning those who are struggling with making a living the best way they could.

Until you walk a mile in someone else's shoes, what makes you think it's ok to criticise, judge and shun those struggling with what they haven't manage to comprehend?

Until you spend time with someone you share a drink with and ask them where are they struggling in life, what gives you the right to sub-tweet them and call them a failure?

I come from an environment where friendship has a different meaning than what I have thus been exposed to here in the big city. I come from a time where if one makes it, others follow by not ridding the wave of success of the other, but by being exposed to HOW it is done.

I come from an era where sharing your ideas with a friend didn't end with a simple "Good luck" but escalated to "I know someone who can help you polish off your dreams and see your ambitions through."

What kills a lot of young men's dreams in the locations is not the fact that they are from disadvantaged areas, it is because of the lack of information and knowing how to get started.

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"Hang in there, one day you will make it."

How is one going to make it when he is struggling with getting started? How is one to succeed when those entrusted to share valuable information on being self-sufficient are the ones shutting doors to ideas that could be solutions to what most communities are struggling with: Moral Decay, Drug Abuse, Infidelity, Drop in pass rate, etc.

We live in a time where lessons from cultural teachings/disciplines are shunned upon and deemed outdated.

We live in a time where everyone wants to be seen as being in a better position, albeit being shallow/empty inside. We want to be seen, no matter the cost of making it happen.

How many young men/women from your area do you know that can benefit from outreach projects offered at your work place that you hardly share information on or talk about?

How many young minds can you help through sharing valuable information that you have access to?

We would rather spend our time musing on who's uhdirty laundry got hung out instead of building platforms that will help others get started towards changing their lives.

This is by no means a crusade to change the world overnight, but a challenge to you and yours on how best can we change people's lives through sharing valuable information on how to be self sufficient and create opportunities that will see those who have dreams of being self employed enter that realm better equipped.