Talk is everything...cheap or otherwise....

They say talk is cheap if you do not walk the talk and live the talk……

Promises are nothing more but cheap talk if they are not fulfilled right? What do you make of them or call them should they get fulfilled, cheap talk? Expensive talk? Is there such a thing?

Blah blah bla this and yadi yadi yadi that…I am great at doing this, I am greater than my whole family combined, my brains sustains my family, the money I make can feed you and your family for a year….etc…!! All that is cheap talk right….?

I applaud those who can speak their minds out freely and carelessly. As bad a thing as it is, I get it that it liberates their thoughts and their actions are backed by their words.

I applaud those who are selfish with themselves, as much as they take from others, have expectations from others, and horde everything else to themselves, they sure know how to save themselves pain, chances of being taken advantage of, possibilities of losing possessions or emotions they hold dear to heart.

I applaud those who do not care about anything else expect today. They seem to live in a world full not only on satisfactions but accomplishments. They live for today with no worries about tomorrow or what might go wrong or right should that tomorrow come. Their worries are limited and end once the sun goes down and sleep takes over.

I applaud those living in a fantasy driven by arrogance and ignorance, deep down inside, we sometimes wish we could harness their ability to think that the world revolves around them or that their fathers built the universe and the whole galaxy……they think you and I owe them a favor for crossing paths with them…they think pride is everything that matters, screw everyone and everything else….!

I applaud those with no ambition, what more can they want? They got people to provide for them, they have inheritances waiting to fall onto their laps, they have everything them deem worth having without the experience of breaking a sweat……

I applaud all these people and many other more with similar mentalities, objectives and approach to life, for without them, my views and objectives in life would have been limited to a small portion of possibilities and no encouragement to do better would have been gained in any ways….

 I applaud the most, those, who against all odds, made it past the milestone their parents and parent’s parents left off.

Those raising a string of cousins, aunts and relatives with a salary other’s call “an installment for my German Beauty minus the fuel she consumes”.

Those playing father and mother roles to families of 5 all younger than 20 years in age.

Those selfless enough to adopt that child from the corner who’s parents gave up on him/her and her ambitions to have a matric certificate under his/her name.

Those selfless enough to give back to the community without fishing for applause and rewards from politicians, community leaders or prominent beings with high social ranks/standings.

Those who pass on the knowledge they have, the cultural teachings, character molding and instilling values and morals to the next generation.

I applaud those who live in the suburbs but they have never forgotten their roots….and still have a strong respect for their tradition and culture.

I give thanks to you, for being who you are, for sharing your thoughts, for sharing your knowledge, for sharing your views and for helping me become who I am today by reflecting on your doings, the path you’ve taken, your failures, successes and determination to making a change.

Talk is cheap after all, question is, who can put monetary value on your life and what you choose to listen to or emulate? Be the change you want to see in the world and never be scared to speak your mind out, follow your heart, be foolish or admit you’ve made the wrong choices or took a wrong turn somewhere down the line……Life is all about that and more. The known, the mysterious, the ups and downs, bad and good choices, lighting a fire and getting burnt to knowing how to control the flame.

Life is you and you are what you make of it…..

Learn to let it all go…talk is cheap but a few can put value to many a word said and unsaid!

All I ever wanted.....

Circles…are structures/forms or objects that seem to have no beginning or end. They are perfect in many ways yet give rise to imperfections which end up being perfected in time and get encoded in certain specimen’s DNA and passed on to their spawn and the next generations.

With men, caring is still and will still be a hard trait to show openly. With men, giving up due to frustrations and anger is as easy as blinking twice thrice in a matter of seconds and turning a blind eye forever to whatever they have been forced out of or bullied into giving up. With men, all that is against them either gets left alone or dealt with harshly. "Ignore and move on" or "move on with a suppressed burden hidden behind wooden and iron masks.", that's what is drilled into our minds and hearts..."Indoda ayikhali,ikhalela ngaphakathi"

"All I ever wanted was a son….a child to call my own" he said….she on the other hand had other ideas….!

"All I wanted to be was to be a better father and an example to the one I will call my son, was I asking for way too much?", she on the other hand had other plans.

"All that it took was a single night of passion fused with an intoxicated mind and hot blood rushing through both heads in my body to do what the heart has always wanted…she on the other hand, lay silently, with a sinister smile and glee in her eyes, legs wide open to embrace my sweaty body intoxicated with passion and a longing to sire a miniature me.... was I wrong or was I wrong...If only I knew...what I knon now when she lay down with i on top of her..."

She lay still,while our bodies talked the talk and did the deed till they were totally spent while brief gasps and moans broke the conversation between the two vessels poised at consuming each other till all their muscles have had enough of love making  to last them throughout whatever would have remained of that night.

"All that I ever wanted was a son..a child to call my own and raise. Someone to show the path to  manhood, instill sound principles and enjoy chasing around in a tricycle till nightfall.

All that I ever wanted……was not what I got!"

Circles are said to be these perfect structures with no beginning or end…..

Could it be that a new circle has begun, could I be living my father’s life all over again, could it be that the person I grew up calling my mother made it impossible for him to be in my life?

All I ever wanted was….not what I have.

Many a question reverberate in my head, trouble my heart and grind my weary body to a pulp like an emotionless human being walking around trying to figure out that which he understands not.

With men, letting go and cutting losses is as easy and effortless as it takes to blink twice thrice in a matter of a split second.

With wooden and iron masks rigidly fixed on our faces, we go through life with fake smiles, joy and happiness and a sense of freedom yet inside, our burdens age our young souls with each thought and breath we take.

With men, not all is as it appears to be, by virtue of being a man, we are already stuck between a hard place and life, the former being made even more difficult by the choices we make, our arrogance and ignorance, our stupid pride and lack of patience coupled with peer pressure and pressures brought upon by family, tradition and socio norms.

By virtue, being a man means more than just growing a fat pocket and acquiring wealth, some get so rich that they rob themselves of everything else, the only thing they’re left with is money and power, no compassion or attachment with those they claim to “work hard for” everyday…

By virtue of being a man, nothing will ever come easy and you will always be expected to provide, endure and sustain life under your provision, regardless of the circumstances.

Break the circle and start a newer better and bigger one…

A circle full of hope, learning through mistakes, passing on wisdom, tolerance, patience and open-headedness ….!

Be the change you want to be, but do not lower yourself to a point where you will be chewed and spat out like a run-out-of –sweetness piece of chewing gum all in the name of being a better man.

All I ever wanted is still within my arm’s reach…..I just need to learn to let go and just be…!

(This is a brief insight on how many men out there might be feeling regarding being called all sorts of names due to not seeing eye to eye with the mother of their children. There is an in-depth, more descriptive and explorative piece to follow sometime soon)

P.S: life could be much more tolerable if we knew how to handle each other, tolerate each other and know where and when to compromise on certain things, especially if there is a child or children involved. To all the women out there, don’t use children as leverage in your personal fights with the father of the child. To all the men out there going through a rough patch due to illegitimate children you sired out of wedlock or before your current relationship, hang in there…..when it rains it pours but it doesn’t rain forever, remember that…)

You have the power to change the course of your life, regardless of how bad it has been in the past, everything thing that you do from now henceforth is well within your control. Don’t choose to be another statistic or to be a victim of circumstances because, at the end of the day, when you’re old, frail and grey, they will ask: “ what did you do to try and resolve the matter?” and what then…what will be your response???

You tried…? She wouldn’t allow me to see you….? Her mother hated me….? Her brother hated me….or her friends spread rumors about me…?

Will that be an enough a reason to give up the fight all together….? Will you be able to live with yourself should such thoughts manifest within your soul and trouble your soul?

Tell me dear brother….how far are you prepared to go to fight for what is right?

Tell me my sister, how far will you go to punish him for not choosing you after all…..?

Photos taken by: -Sthe Ngcobo

Adaptation.......

Adaptation…….

I don’t know how it began or why it begun

Who it started with or where it began…

One thing I know is that it is necessary for surviving in life and advancing further.

I don’t know much about the word, but I know I got to keep on moving and change with times, even though time itself never changes,yet moves on steadily.

I know I got to adapt, does that mean I got to change completely or partially?

Doesn’t “changing partially” mean one has changed, regardless of how much change he/she has undergone?

What is this adaptation if all we ever do is reflect on the past,forgetting to look for solutions for our tomorrow?

I adapt…how?

How do I shape up for an hour I know less about or know what it’ll bring with, let alone turn out?

What is tomorrow,if not a couple of hours away from the first hour you started counting down the minutes left in this day?

What is this adaptation when I still walk up straight like the so called prime-mates from way back then, when and where time was not so much of an important factor?

Is adaptation different from evolution?

When we evolve, we become better, and we make do with what we have the best way we can under whatever circumstances…

What about adaptation?

Does it mean I can  be the same person I was yesterday and claim to have grown or changed if there isn’t any substantial change or growth to show or boast about but bar-time stories and references of good times, days and hardship i've been through?

We are a backward generation moving forward in a high paced rate with no definite or concrete assurance of any desirable destination.

We speak of destiny as if we’ve seen our tomorrows….if that were the case, why haven’t we jumped all the sad aspects, moments, circumstances, trials and tribulations and fast forwarded to happier times and moments or to our “destinies”?

Adaptation…are we living in an imaginary world or does it really exist?

Learn to let go……See the forest for the trees!

Those Times.......long gone and still to come

There were times….

When I thought at a certain age, I’d have had a lot to boast about

(but then I  was reminded I am not the boastful type)

When I thought having a mansion took turning 30years old

When I thought having a wife was a matter of saving up and buying cows

When I thought a career was a thing for the most educated, the rest do jobs and work their backs and fingers to the bones and ultimately to the grave…

There were times….

When the imagination was a thing left for dreamers who’s dreams we imagine ourselves living

When trust was as simple and honest as a child’s smile.

Then came those times….

Where panic, grief and turmoil ruled supreme

Clouding and plunging everything into darkness

Where anger and scorn saw one cursing and wishing dreadful things upon those deemed worthless….

There were…

Those other times at time…where

A simple “hello, how’re you doing” brought a smile upon your face,

made you giggle, laugh and smile better than a roasted sheep skull…

Times where thoughts of he, thoughts of she brought memories of days gone by…

Times, where the rain pounded in a  Unisom beat and rate as your heart, her heart, your hearts raced each other towards a single climax after an anticlimax of a day…

Times where all seemed like a line or scene from a movie long deemed classical by hopeless romantics

There were indeed times….all in the past, for tomorrow is a constant present forever unfolding, draped in an illusion we call life.

Only the circumstances make the feeling/moment hurt more, enjoyable more or prolonged for longer than necessary……!

Let go....and let it flow

Broken dreams

Broken Dreams……

Like broken records, they play themselves over and over in my head. Reminding me of greater things that could have been.

Broken dreams, like broken wings of a bee who’s gust and will to work hard and collect more pollen still drives and encourages it to try and fly….only to be smacked in the face by reality: life without wings is hard for a busy b.e.e.

Broken dreams…….similar to a treasured crystal cup chipped all around the brim, stripping it of its value and use, useless yet hard to throw away because of the sentiments and ways it was acquired.

Were they really dreams or psychological denial of temporally let downs perceived as the end of the world??

Were they ever attainable or was I over optimistic….?

Was it all a dream come true, the straight A’s I got, the Diploma he got or the degree she holds….was it all a dream come true if I’m still held bondage by the thorn in my heart from dreams that never saw the light of day due to A, B and C….?

Who is to blame, the dreamer or the crusher of dreams……?

A, B and C being mere obstacles I heard others encountered and couldn’t surpass? Was I not led to believe that all that is feared hinders everyone who has ever headed and is heading down the same road to success…?

What is success if not dreams for a better tomorrow?

And what are dreams without a few hiccups and scratches?

Like broken records, playing themselves over and over and over again in my head, reminding me of greater things that could have been….yet I fail to try again and follow my dreams.

http://75.co.za/sthe_ngcobo/2011/11/03

Don't ever give up on your dreams, don't ever watch the sun set on you and your hopes! Regret and self pity might win you the hearts and sympathy of many, but it will never take you anywhere except further down the drain if you do not snap out of it and try again! A house is never a home without a bit loving, compassion and trials and tribulations.

My name is Sthembile Ngcobo, and this is part of my work.

Do i still know the person I once knew

The person I use to be wasn’t what I see in the mirror today.

The person I use to be wasn’t so lazy or pitiful of himself, he wasn’t so less focused on what he once wanted, let alone easily dismayed by failed first attempts.

The person I once knew had the same name as the one I currently see in the mirror, had pride just like the next fool boasting about his meager temporally achievements to a blind man who’s understanding of the financial world is as big and popular as sand to an Eskimo and grazing land to a Hottentot.

The person I once knew, lost himself on his way from home to a world unknown, full of promises and bright lights, beautiful women and fiery intoxicating water.

The person I once knew was no different from the person I once was, all humble and respectful, dedicated and motivated but never introduced to opportunity nor ever bumped onto understanding.

The person I once knew thought OPPORTUNITY was reserved only for those with Degrees, Diplomas and Doctorates, forgetting he has hands, strong shoulders and a dream.

The person I once knew deprived himself of one too many an opportunity and a shot at making his dreams a reality that he  now can’t tell the difference between being optimistic and living in a fantasy world.

The person I once knew, had dreams, ambitions and wishes, and he gave up on all of them.....just like the person I have become.

Having a dream is a good thing, following your dream is even better, but understanding the fundamentals and basics of how your idea/dream or vision works is the key to a living your dream.

Sithembile Cleaopas Ngcobo

Born in Pietermaritzburg to Linda Mbelu and Sipho Ngcobo

Aspirering Photographer

What am I protecting

What am I protecting…….a lot comes to mind whenever I ask myself this and other similar questions. A lot remains unanswered, shoved back to the metronome of my mind. A lot gets obscured and tainted by the immediate satisfaction of the mind and the physical.

Less tend to argue with their subconscious self, let alone reason before acting.  One a many of us have regrets we choose not to amend, let alone learn from.

I ask again, what is it that I am protecting, with all the spikes, barbed wire, high rising fences and barricades of concrete around my house, heart and mind.

If all I see be materialistic, why protect it if it’ll be lost with each new trend? If a house is only made a home by what is within my chest, why entertain thoughts more than feelings.

What am I protecting if I fail to realize that the fears I got can be used as fuel to further my goals and dreams? A friend wrote: “There is certainly an improvement in the quality of life once you’re aware of things that really matter to you”…….Is pride one of those things, is constant comparison one of those things, is regret suppose to be in that list?

What is it that I am protecting with all these defensive systems I fail to utilize to further or improve my life?

Am I in staying because of my kids, reputation, financial security or protecting those older or younger than me? What exactly am I protecting with all these efforts I make which never seem to bring me any comfort or peace of mind?

There is a lot to life than what meets the eye…….protect that which advances you and alters and brings  your life towards realizing your dreams.