Circles…are structures/forms or objects that seem to have no beginning or end. They are perfect in many ways yet give rise to imperfections which end up being perfected in time and get encoded in certain specimen’s DNA and passed on to their spawn and the next generations.
With men, caring is still and will still be a hard trait to show openly. With men, giving up due to frustrations and anger is as easy as blinking twice thrice in a matter of seconds and turning a blind eye forever to whatever they have been forced out of or bullied into giving up. With men, all that is against them either gets left alone or dealt with harshly. "Ignore and move on" or "move on with a suppressed burden hidden behind wooden and iron masks.", that's what is drilled into our minds and hearts..."Indoda ayikhali,ikhalela ngaphakathi"
"All I ever wanted was a son….a child to call my own" he said….she on the other hand had other ideas….!
"All I wanted to be was to be a better father and an example to the one I will call my son, was I asking for way too much?", she on the other hand had other plans.
"All that it took was a single night of passion fused with an intoxicated mind and hot blood rushing through both heads in my body to do what the heart has always wanted…she on the other hand, lay silently, with a sinister smile and glee in her eyes, legs wide open to embrace my sweaty body intoxicated with passion and a longing to sire a miniature me.... was I wrong or was I wrong...If only I knew...what I knon now when she lay down with i on top of her..."
She lay still,while our bodies talked the talk and did the deed till they were totally spent while brief gasps and moans broke the conversation between the two vessels poised at consuming each other till all their muscles have had enough of love making to last them throughout whatever would have remained of that night.
"All that I ever wanted was a son..a child to call my own and raise. Someone to show the path to manhood, instill sound principles and enjoy chasing around in a tricycle till nightfall.
All that I ever wanted……was not what I got!"
Circles are said to be these perfect structures with no beginning or end…..
Could it be that a new circle has begun, could I be living my father’s life all over again, could it be that the person I grew up calling my mother made it impossible for him to be in my life?
All I ever wanted was….not what I have.
Many a question reverberate in my head, trouble my heart and grind my weary body to a pulp like an emotionless human being walking around trying to figure out that which he understands not.
With men, letting go and cutting losses is as easy and effortless as it takes to blink twice thrice in a matter of a split second.
With wooden and iron masks rigidly fixed on our faces, we go through life with fake smiles, joy and happiness and a sense of freedom yet inside, our burdens age our young souls with each thought and breath we take.
With men, not all is as it appears to be, by virtue of being a man, we are already stuck between a hard place and life, the former being made even more difficult by the choices we make, our arrogance and ignorance, our stupid pride and lack of patience coupled with peer pressure and pressures brought upon by family, tradition and socio norms.
By virtue, being a man means more than just growing a fat pocket and acquiring wealth, some get so rich that they rob themselves of everything else, the only thing they’re left with is money and power, no compassion or attachment with those they claim to “work hard for” everyday…
By virtue of being a man, nothing will ever come easy and you will always be expected to provide, endure and sustain life under your provision, regardless of the circumstances.
Break the circle and start a newer better and bigger one…
A circle full of hope, learning through mistakes, passing on wisdom, tolerance, patience and open-headedness ….!
Be the change you want to be, but do not lower yourself to a point where you will be chewed and spat out like a run-out-of –sweetness piece of chewing gum all in the name of being a better man.
All I ever wanted is still within my arm’s reach…..I just need to learn to let go and just be…!
(This is a brief insight on how many men out there might be feeling regarding being called all sorts of names due to not seeing eye to eye with the mother of their children. There is an in-depth, more descriptive and explorative piece to follow sometime soon)
P.S: life could be much more tolerable if we knew how to handle each other, tolerate each other and know where and when to compromise on certain things, especially if there is a child or children involved. To all the women out there, don’t use children as leverage in your personal fights with the father of the child. To all the men out there going through a rough patch due to illegitimate children you sired out of wedlock or before your current relationship, hang in there…..when it rains it pours but it doesn’t rain forever, remember that…)
You have the power to change the course of your life, regardless of how bad it has been in the past, everything thing that you do from now henceforth is well within your control. Don’t choose to be another statistic or to be a victim of circumstances because, at the end of the day, when you’re old, frail and grey, they will ask: “ what did you do to try and resolve the matter?” and what then…what will be your response???
You tried…? She wouldn’t allow me to see you….? Her mother hated me….? Her brother hated me….or her friends spread rumors about me…?
Will that be an enough a reason to give up the fight all together….? Will you be able to live with yourself should such thoughts manifest within your soul and trouble your soul?
Tell me dear brother….how far are you prepared to go to fight for what is right?
Tell me my sister, how far will you go to punish him for not choosing you after all…..?
Photos taken by: -Sthe Ngcobo
