Resolutions...

Resolutions

Just like promises, we make them, break them, try and revive and live up to them only to forget them as soon as our old habits kick in.

Some resolutions are good on paper, good to hear and talk about but hard to maintain or keep up with. Some are harder to believe that they could be achieved till we apply ourselves, commit to them and work on making them a reality.

Just like promises, we sometimes forget about our resolutions till round about this time of the year. We look at our bank balances and hope our bonuses will compensate for the year’s savings blown on expensive clothes, alcohol, nights out with strangers we don’t know and might never see, strip clubs, fishing trips, house parties and luxuries of this world that deplete in value the moment we take them home, etc…..

We are less disciplined at heart to stay fast on our targets, too weak in mind to develop a back bone and say no to temptation, we easily lose hope when storms tests our fate. We get carried away easily.

Resolutions, just like the words: “ I love you”, said from a heart driven by lust, they are made easily and fade as easily as they were made, only to be remembered when it is too late to achieve goals set for that year, month, period of time.

We are passive when it comes to seeing the “bigger picture”, but impulsive when it comes to living for the now and knowing there will be another month end to look forward to and take from to cover daily expenses or commitments that should have been taken care of right there and then. We depend more on what comes easily to us, not seeing that, by doing so, we enslave our minds with chains of placidness, dependency and corrode our ability to think outside the box and utilize our potentials effectively.

We are quick to say “I will never do that again…” “I will never drink that much again”, “I will never allow myself to be abused like that or taken advantage of ever again.”

We are quick to look at health magazine and vow we’ll get that summer body come “next year December”, forgetting that before reaching that goal, we first need to train our minds, discipline our hearts and know how to stare temptation square on the face and say: “I have made up my mind, I know where I want to be come this time next year”.

We get new jobs, salary increases and all that and think our problems are over, forgetting that managing one’s fiancés is a daily exercise, one that doesn’t need one to be really as good as accountants, but to be as disciplined as a monk who has taken a vow never to talk, curse or do certain things in life the same way he used to.

Make everyday a new year, make every evening a day to reflect on what you have set yourself to do when the year started instead of waiting for the year to end.

Set your goals, Review and Restructure them as the year goes. Refine them and enjoy life as it happens.  This is part of my resolution for the next year…what is/are yours? Will they be attainable? Are they practical, will they change your life and way of thinking?

What are resolutions when life becomes harder and changes with each passing day?  To me, they make my world go round, they are what I live for, a reminder of what I’d love to achieve in life.

The reason why I am…..

The reason why I am…..

“I am what I am not because of my circumstances, or where I have been through and what I’ve been through, but because of what I chose to do with how I wanted to leave yesterday and live in the moment hoping tomorrow will be better and brighter.

I am who I am not only for who I know, who I have known or associated myself with, but for what I learned from those I’ve known, still know and have been associated with.

I am my father’s son, his pride and joy, his right hand man in everything he does.  The apple of his eye.

I am my father’s disappointment, his shame to the world, the black sheep of the family, the apple that fell far away from the tree.

I am what I am not because I wasn’t shown any love, not because I was a step child, not because of what happened between his family and my mother’s family, but because I chose to be like this. I am responsible for who I am, what I have become and the repercussions of the choices I have made.

I am the person I was set to be (fate), I am the results of my faults (future, present and past), I am my achievements (small or huge, there are a part of who I am) I am my ambition, be it that I’ll make it within the next year or 5 years, whichever it might be, my ambition will be a part of me and a reflection of the person I am now and wanted to become.”

I am my doubts,

I am my courage,

I am ignorance,

I am my very own enemy.

I am the person who has been easily persuaded, convinced and deceived. Through all that, I didn’t give up on who I am and who I want to become.

I am the child who had it all but didn’t appreciate any for all was provided for instead of working for it. I “splurged”, went all out, wasted and got wasted. Relied on my income, trust, and other sources of income, (legal and illegal, moral and immoral) I was like a famer with good grain, who chose a rocky and thorny field to sow for the next season.

I am the child who had none, worked his back to an early old age, his fingers to the bone and still didn’t reach the goals he had set for himself. That brought me down, left me defeated and depleted.

Turned to illegal means of making a living, told lies, sold my soul to alcohol, shunned those who tried to talk sense into my heard, shut all sorts of light and warmth for my heart to feed on and became an empty shell.

I am who I am and whom I have become because of the choices I made, because of what I have been through, because of what I told myself I shall not ever repeat or find myself doing again. I am who I am because of those who never gave up on me, the strangers I found myself pouring my heart out to, knowing that there might be a chance that they’d judge me for what I have done, failed to do, haven’t done or haven’t achieved at my age. Even if they do judge me, I knew that chances are, I would never know or give a damn about that for they were people I might never meet again in life.

I am who I am because I stopped telling myself lies, because I stopped convincing myself that “by a stroke of luck, success will land on my lap”.

I am who I am because I was tired of whining and complaining about this and that. I am this person today because I made a pact with myself and agreed with that little silent voice from within that kept on asking: “why aren’t you doing anything about anything to change your current situation”?

I am who I am because I reminded myself that I am not the next person or a replica of those who lived before me. I wasn’t born to pick up from where they left off from. I was born to live my own life, make my own mistakes, fall and rise and carry myself amidst trying times. I was born to carve my own path. Find and follow my own passion. I was born to breath love, speak love and radiate happiness. I was born out of love into loving hands in a world opposed to loving openly.”

This applies to me, you and people you might know. Let it serve as a reminder that you are not your past, you are not your mistakes only, you are not a failure by nature, and you are not dumb or stupid.

You are who you choose to be. You are the beauty you feel and see on the mirror. You are someone’s daughter, son, wife, and husband. You are a brother to not only your family, but those who extend their friendship to a level of brotherhood/sisterhood, etc.

You are an extension of the universe, part of nature, part of me, a part of him, her or them. Life has a way of sorting itself out when you least expect it to. Hang in there and keep on keeping on!

It is never advisable to give up on what you have in your heart for what you think is right. Passion and dedication can take you far, provided you convince the mind that the heart will never mislead the mind or take you where you do not want to be.

Whenever you feel sad, anxious, defeated or otherwise, ask yourself this:

“Who am I or who have I become or what have I become”

Angels & Saints

Stories untold

I hear every day, about angels and saints,stories of how they have fallen face first to the ground, wings ripped off their backs as if they were stolen in the first place from He who gives live to all.

I hear every day, about angels and saints, who have been devalued, defaced, discredited and dehumanized by sinners and the crooked, judged by the judgmental for acts deemed not fitting to be committed by their like (Yet they forget that each and every one of us started off as an angel waiting to sin and sinners trying to redeem themselves through actions and words from our hearts.)

I hear every day, stories of the kindhearted, who’s believes and hope have never been moved anywhere close to the realms of doubt, hate, envy, shame or hate. Who’s hearts have always guided against such, giving courage to their minds to face the truth, tell the truth and amend where they have faulted.

Such beings go through each day bearing jeering fingers, talks behind their backs, doors to promising success slammed on their faces. Such people walk around giving thanks to God for each opportunity they get to wake up and face another challenging day instead of cursing life for being so hard, full of temptations, lust and trust issues.

Such beings are said to thank God for giving roses thorns, for they know that such delicate, beautiful and rare flowers need protection from greedy hands who can’t seem to have enough of everything.

Such beings bare it all in silence, never complain for they know at one point, they too were once victims of their own circumstances, human nature had the best of them, alcohol ruled their lives, guilt and shame sat heavy in their hearts, lustful wishes they made a reality. But they never gave up on redeeming themselves, trusting in themselves, what they believed in and remembering the life they once lived and aspired to lead before falling off the wagon.

Remembering that made it easy for them to forgive themselves first, made it easy for them to want to change for the better, made it easy for them to realize how far down the rabbit hole they have fallen, made it easy for them to believe in 2^nd, 3^rd or 6^th chances on life.

Remembering helps ease the pain, gather courage to try again and remember that one important human trait called : “happiness” and a life full of happiness is a life worth living a million times over regardless of the monetary securities one might have or don’t have.

Chose to live, chose life full of joy and happiness. Drowning your sorrows in self pity, reckless behavior, alcohol or drugs will only worsen things and lay to rest a young talent that never got to see the light of day due to guilt, bad experiences or a gloomy past or shameful acts once conducted. You are not your past, make that choice to live and learn from the past instead of trying to live in it.

“Today reminded me about yesterday, yesterday tried to deceive me into thinking there is no tomorrow and tomorrow eluded me seeing how much I was fixated on how bad today was going. Through it all, today reminded me about yesterday and prompted me to think about tomorrow instead of living in the past or yesterday might just be forgotten along with me”

I hear every day, about angels and saints, fallen face first to the ground, wings ripped off their backs as if they were stolen in the first place from He who gives live to all.

Pick yourself up and try again. Broken wings or not, be grateful you still have the gift of life. Use it every day to get back to where you once were and beyond.

Mend your broken wings and learn to fly again.