The reason why I am…..

The reason why I am…..

“I am what I am not because of my circumstances, or where I have been through and what I’ve been through, but because of what I chose to do with how I wanted to leave yesterday and live in the moment hoping tomorrow will be better and brighter.

I am who I am not only for who I know, who I have known or associated myself with, but for what I learned from those I’ve known, still know and have been associated with.

I am my father’s son, his pride and joy, his right hand man in everything he does.  The apple of his eye.

I am my father’s disappointment, his shame to the world, the black sheep of the family, the apple that fell far away from the tree.

I am what I am not because I wasn’t shown any love, not because I was a step child, not because of what happened between his family and my mother’s family, but because I chose to be like this. I am responsible for who I am, what I have become and the repercussions of the choices I have made.

I am the person I was set to be (fate), I am the results of my faults (future, present and past), I am my achievements (small or huge, there are a part of who I am) I am my ambition, be it that I’ll make it within the next year or 5 years, whichever it might be, my ambition will be a part of me and a reflection of the person I am now and wanted to become.”

I am my doubts,

I am my courage,

I am ignorance,

I am my very own enemy.

I am the person who has been easily persuaded, convinced and deceived. Through all that, I didn’t give up on who I am and who I want to become.

I am the child who had it all but didn’t appreciate any for all was provided for instead of working for it. I “splurged”, went all out, wasted and got wasted. Relied on my income, trust, and other sources of income, (legal and illegal, moral and immoral) I was like a famer with good grain, who chose a rocky and thorny field to sow for the next season.

I am the child who had none, worked his back to an early old age, his fingers to the bone and still didn’t reach the goals he had set for himself. That brought me down, left me defeated and depleted.

Turned to illegal means of making a living, told lies, sold my soul to alcohol, shunned those who tried to talk sense into my heard, shut all sorts of light and warmth for my heart to feed on and became an empty shell.

I am who I am and whom I have become because of the choices I made, because of what I have been through, because of what I told myself I shall not ever repeat or find myself doing again. I am who I am because of those who never gave up on me, the strangers I found myself pouring my heart out to, knowing that there might be a chance that they’d judge me for what I have done, failed to do, haven’t done or haven’t achieved at my age. Even if they do judge me, I knew that chances are, I would never know or give a damn about that for they were people I might never meet again in life.

I am who I am because I stopped telling myself lies, because I stopped convincing myself that “by a stroke of luck, success will land on my lap”.

I am who I am because I was tired of whining and complaining about this and that. I am this person today because I made a pact with myself and agreed with that little silent voice from within that kept on asking: “why aren’t you doing anything about anything to change your current situation”?

I am who I am because I reminded myself that I am not the next person or a replica of those who lived before me. I wasn’t born to pick up from where they left off from. I was born to live my own life, make my own mistakes, fall and rise and carry myself amidst trying times. I was born to carve my own path. Find and follow my own passion. I was born to breath love, speak love and radiate happiness. I was born out of love into loving hands in a world opposed to loving openly.”

This applies to me, you and people you might know. Let it serve as a reminder that you are not your past, you are not your mistakes only, you are not a failure by nature, and you are not dumb or stupid.

You are who you choose to be. You are the beauty you feel and see on the mirror. You are someone’s daughter, son, wife, and husband. You are a brother to not only your family, but those who extend their friendship to a level of brotherhood/sisterhood, etc.

You are an extension of the universe, part of nature, part of me, a part of him, her or them. Life has a way of sorting itself out when you least expect it to. Hang in there and keep on keeping on!

It is never advisable to give up on what you have in your heart for what you think is right. Passion and dedication can take you far, provided you convince the mind that the heart will never mislead the mind or take you where you do not want to be.

Whenever you feel sad, anxious, defeated or otherwise, ask yourself this:

“Who am I or who have I become or what have I become”