Negligence - Courage - Hope

Negligence

Negligence, an act carried out by many of us, directly or indirectly, but carried out nonetheless. We neglect a lot of things. We neglect ourselves, our values, integrity, customs/culture and others around us.

We lose ourselves while in a quest of chasing success and achievements. We get changed by circumstances, harsh lessons, situations we had thought we’d never find ourselves in. We pity ourselves, become our own problems and wallow in dark spaces we want to move out from yet don’t show any initiative of ever doing so. We see enemies where there are none, we oppress where we feel threatened, exposed or challenged. We ridicule where we see potential, we dissuade where we see determination, drag others down where we see achievement looming.

It has been years since I was a teen ager. It has been a decade since I visited that jovial phase of my life. It has been a decade since I have looked back and asked myself “where did it go wrong”. It has been years since I have looked at old images and tried to remember those moments captured in time.

Life was good back then, simple, carefree with fewer responsibilities. Back then, I knew my values. Back then, I knew what it meant to be free and carefree. Now that I am older, I ask myself: “Was I really free or were I committing crimes that will see my dreams; aspirations; hope and courage imprisoned forever in an imaginary prison with no walls or bars to hold me prisoner”?

Was I preparing myself to be a victim of my own circumstances without me wanting to admit that I brought this upon myself? Was I preparing myself to not admit guilt; responsibility or constructive criticism?

How did I not see all this? How did I ignore the signs? How did I not get rebuked or brought into my senses? Did I deny help and advice, dismissing it as ways of trying to “control” and “restrict” my new found freedom?

Was I trying to hide the pain within, or the shame I’ve been through? Whatever the case might be, the question remains: “How did I allow things to get to this? Where did I go wrong or how did I go wrong?

Did I neglect my roots; culture and customs? Did I BECOME THAT MUCH OF A MORDENISED BLACK TO REMEMBER HOW THINGS WERE DONE AT HOME WHEN I WAS GROWING UP?

I find myself questioning a lot of choices I made, choices that were made for me and choices I allowed to be made for me where I could have objected or opposed. I find myself questioning a lot and the solution is always the same, no matter how different the question is.

We can never change history. Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.

Late hours; parties; alcohol; rebelling against & questioning rules we were brought up with became a norm. Isn’t that what being young was suppose to be about?

Courage

I never knew the meaning, but I knew the feeling. I saw courageous people, met and spoke to them. Heard and headed their advices. Shared ideas and grew mentally and spiritually.

I discovered positive attributes about myself. I discovered my passion. I discovered self love. I discovered myself and the values I had thought I had lost and forgotten about.

I discovered a world I thought I had long lost directions to. I discovered love and most of all I discovered acceptance.

I accepted my mistakes, I accepted my shortfalls and I accepted that time wasted is time never regained. I accepted the truth about the person I had become. I embraced history and vowed never to repeat it again or allow others to repeat the errors I made.

I accepted that pain will always be a part of life, so is happiness. How we deal with it makes us the better person we wish to be each and every day.

I accepted my fate and acknowledged that I have a gift. Recognized by others or not, I accepted it and vowed to use it to change my current state of affairs. I have grown, I am growing and I am still going to grow.

If a new day is an opportunity to start anew, why should I starve myself of my happy tomorrows today? If every day is an opportunity to start all over again, why should I hold on to a past I want to let go of?

If moving on means letting go of what was and embrace what could be, what is stopping me?

Hope

“ithemba alibulali”

"Finish constructing that bridge towards your goals and dreams. Never give up"

Hope doesn’t kill. It is that small spark, glimmering softly in a distance waiting for you to use it to spark off an inferno of possibilities and achievements.

It is that little voice from within that constantly assures you that “day light will break, with it, new beginnings shall be had”

It is that small voice in your head telling you to hang in there. That little voice in your heart telling you “kuzolunga” (it will be alright)

It is that unmistakable endearing attitude, that fighting spirit we are all equipped with. It is the whole of you, determined to see yourself through whatever dark space you are in.

Hope is what we have left when we have been stripped off everything we once thought was godly to us. Hope to start anew, hope to get through today, hope to live to fight another day, hope to make amends, hope to gather strength to face our demons and skeletons…….

Years have passed since I have visited myself and held a dialogue with the person I see in the mirror every morning.

I am no different from you and him or her or them.

I am in a quest like you.

One full of many possibilities, many positive outcomes and a lot of pitfalls and traps.

One full of temptation, one full of joy; pain; rejection; acceptance; belonging; etc….

Embrace yourself for who you are. Acknowledge your past and allow yourself not to live there anymore. Pick yourself up and put an end on living a life of a victim. Dust yourself up and revisit old ideas, reinvent them and allow your creativity to flow.

Pull yourself together and remember opinions are just that, they shouldn’t define or restrict you. The one person you owe explanation is yourself. The one Supreme Being you need to explain yourself to is God (be it you believe in Christ and God)

It is never too late to turn a new leaf, pick up a pen and right your future past. If birth came with a manual to adulthood, we wouldn’t be where we are or who we are.

If that were the case, we wouldn’t have known what being victorious meant. If that was the case, no lessons would have been leant; no purpose would have been identified or perused.

“Life is what we make it to be, albeit the situations; circumstances or situations we find ourselves in”

Learn how to let go, life ends with your last breath, not your last mistake!

Keep that flame burning.

Dedicated to all those who are in a journey of self discovery. Sharing hope and encouraging others not to give up.



                                                  "God willing, I will further my purpose."

-Sthe Ngcobo-



(All images shot and edited by myself. I am an apsiring photographer, looking to share the world I live in with the rest of the world through images and constructive dialogue that I aim to spark)